Steph Campbell

Now available on Amazon in eBook and Hardcover!

Stuffing Myself Silly: The Story of a Food Junkie is a tale of true redemption

It is easy to speak about the good stuff of a young life.

Home for me was filled with love, laughter, and delicious Italian home-cooked meals. I was surrounded by friends and family galore. I had my most basic needs met. I was raised by two larger-than-life parents who had good intentions. They raised three children who grew up to become loving, respectable, and decent human beings.

Speaking about the tough stuff…. that ain’t so easy. Just beneath the surface lingers hidden and not so hidden wounds from the love that went awry. The experiences that leave you feeling empty, lost, and disappointed. That often lead you into a world that makes no sense. Everyone’s life has residuals, nobody escapes this. I certainly did not, no matter how many times I smiled to try and make it look as if I did. These are the moments that are difficult to discuss, but still so necessary to confront.

I ran far away from home as soon as it was legal to do so. I needed to catch my breath before looking it all in the face. I left my family, my friends, my home, and anyone or anything that remotely reminded me of my past. I was geographically gone for a long time. And although I became an avid seeker, I was living in pain, eating myself numb, confused, and secretly resigned. It took me years until I was finally able to acknowledge how I had given up on life.

I wanted to die during that time, and much to my chagrin I did not. As I faced the depths of the hell I was living, none of it killed me. And now, looking back, I am so happy that it did not.

You see, along with the love and laughter, the repercussions of my mother’s severe schizoaffective disorder were also the norm in our household. Although I was desperate to be my mother’s savior, I was constantly being upstaged by her favorite superstar, Jesus Christ. The leading man in my life, though, was food. There was nothing like a jelly donut to help me forget that my mother was dating Jesus… no, wait, she was pregnant with Jesus… no, hold on, she was Jesus himself... I watched this debilitating illness devastate not just my mother, but my entire family.

I witnessed my father, a man whom I loved with all my heart, drink and eat himself to death. I saw him be idolized and put on a pedestal that was just high enough to be out of touch. I, too, stood on my toes reaching up to him. He was loved by many and needed at home and the terrifying reality of where he was headed was too scary for most to acknowledge. At the age of fifteen I witnessed this seemingly invincible man succumb to the repercussions of his self-destructive lifestyle. He died at forty-one.

So, I coped. I learned early on how to use my personality as a Band Aid to cover up the cuts, the pain, and the deep, dirty hurt. I laughed and smiled and developed a stellar sense of humor. I was lucky because I was born into a family full of wit and jocularity so honing my comic craft was a cinch. The truth, though, was that on the inside I was drowning in a cesspool of terror. I felt deep abandonment. As life would have it, I had no way to know how long and exhausting the journey I had embarked on would be.

During this process food became my crutch. I woke up one day at 300 pounds. That did not stop me from compulsively eating. It did stop me from continuing to weigh myself. I literally could not stop the cycle and I found myself in grave danger. I was following in my father's footsteps. I gained and lost hundreds of pounds dozens of times throughout my life.

I tried every trick in the book, and I was a complete success at failing at all of them. But, I diligently kept looking in that mirror and confronting my demons. Over time I began developing a new relationship with food, my thoughts, my body, and my parents. Although, I eventually reached a ‘tipping point’ into profound self-awareness, there is no destination in this process. It is Continuing Education.

It’s my intention that my story will unleash permission for people to speak about the dark dirty stuff we carry inside. I am hell-bent on shedding some much-needed light and forgiveness to so many of us in this world who use food to cope with struggles. Our critics could also use a dose of a new world reality, don’t ya’ think?

I have discovered that the mind is actually the only thing that needs to be healed - all the rest, including the body, will follow. And my ultimate realization? It takes a hell of a lot more than cutting calories to find this kind of authentic, rewarding, and lasting health.

I have not one regret. Every one of my mother's manic episodes led me to who I am today. Every ounce of confusion and grief I wept over my father's lifestyle and early departure led me to Truth. I now find myself stuffing myself silly with love and freedom no matter where I am on any given day. I walked through the nightmare and on the other side I found strength and clarity beyond my wildest imaginings.

Please join me on this crazy beautiful ride we call life. I look forward to having you.